Chick Flick Rating

Everyone has a different tolerance for chick flicks; some withstand them to a certain point, some prefer them, some avoid them at all costs. Therefore, in order to help readers make decisions about whether or not a movie is right for them, this Chick Flick Rating scale was devised.

The Chick Flick Rating scale is a number ranging from 0 (for the least chick flicky) to 5 (for the most chick flicky). This number is tabulated by comparing the film against five separate points. For each point that can be observed in the film, the score will increase by one. If all five points are apparent, then the score would naturally become a 5, the highest rating.

The five major points are the following:
 * 1) Men willingly profess their deepest feelings
 * 2) The story / setting is tame
 * 3) Female lead without a sexy outfit
 * 4) Love or emotion has supernatural powers
 * 5) Plot is resolved by social-emotional means

While men are capable of bearing their heart, it is generally very rare. It is certainly not something that one should expect to happen, even when a guy is presented with multiple good opportunities to do so. Usually, that type of behavior is witnessed primarily in entertainment designed with a female audience in mind. For example, men in soap operas and movies on Lifetime will profess their feelings all the time (or at least once during the flick) while in spaghetti westerns and action flicks guys prefer to express how they feel with bullets.

Here are some guidelines to help determine if a movie has guys saying things that they might not usually say:

These Things Count for Point 1

 * He says "I love you"...
 * ...and he deeply means it but nothing forced it out of him other than his own decision making process.
 * ...and underwent a number of emotional trials in order to get to that point.
 * Expressions of feelings with the intent of explaining why he's been acting the way he has been, such as acting funny or especially aggressive.
 * When he tries to get other people to understand how he feels through words.
 * When the primary motive for the profession is to express himself or let out his feelings.

These Things DO NOT Count for Point 1

 * He says "I love you"...
 * ...but has already explicitly or implicitly professed this in the past (a married man saying this casually to his wife wouldn't count).
 * ...and underwent a number of physical or dangerous trials in order to get to that point (like assassinating government agents in escape or rescuing the girl from killer robots, etc).
 * ...while under mortal duress (while being held hostage by terrorists, while hanging on to the girl by the hand as she dangles over a precipice, etc).
 * The guy is cornered, bribed, threatened, or otherwise forced to express something.
 * The expression of hatred, anger, vengeance, anything supporting aggression, or that is in itself a form of aggression.
 * Any expression of feelings for those who died or sacrificed in an honorable fashion.
 * Things said for the sake of playing a leadership role such as voting confidence in the crew of a ship.
 * Expressions of extreme protectiveness or territorialism, especially when intimidating potential threats to what he's protecting.
 * When the profession is primarily comical or intended as comic relief.
 * Pride or arrogance.

When taking this point into account, remember that the setting is more then just where it takes place; it is also what kind of trials one might expect to encounter in the setting. Three different stories might all take place in the same quiet suburban town but it is an entirely different matter for a character who we expect to deal with a vicious murderer, a character who finds themselves in the same town in the year 3032, and a character who worries about baking a pie to beat another woman in a pie contest who often flirts with her husband.

Here are some guidelines to help determine if a movie has a tame story or setting:

These Things Count for Point 2

 * The peril encountered in the story is primarily social, economic, and / or random afflictions unavoidable in everyday life (household accidents, diseases, genetic defects, etc).
 * Interpersonal relationships are the primary medium of the story and story development.

These Things DO NOT Count for Point 2

 * The setting or genre is naturally fraught with mortal peril or includes major elements that produce constant mortal peril ranging from street gangs to aliens and killer robots.
 * The story progresses through action or violence.
 * The protagonists are exacting or fleeing from justice, such as in crime shows, even when the setting is otherwise quiet, such as a suburban town.

As much as some of us might like to believe otherwise, when movies are made to appeal to a male demographic the leading females have a strong tenancy to be beautiful and wear provocative clothing. When a female lead is used without this attire, it is often an indicator that a male audience was not intended to be catered to.

Here are some guidelines to help determine if she's got a sexy outfit or not:

These Things Count for Point 3

 * She never wears anything designed to be provocative, even if she is beautiful.
 * She wears something provocative but the audience never gets to really "ogle" for much longer then a short period of time or the camera mostly focuses on the face or other less "exciting" shots.

These Things DO NOT Count for Point 3

 * Nudity, explicit or otherwise.
 * She does not wear anything designed to be sexy but becomes provocative in other ways, such as getting wet / sweaty, brandishing weapons, running, etc.
 * She does not wear anything designed to be sexy but becomes provocative because of how the outfit is worn.

Other Notes for Point 3

 * Kirkbait never counts as lead role and cannot be used for determination.

A popular notion in female oriented films is that love or powerful emotions can change causality. Love always wins, fate will bring them together, what your heart says is right is always so, etc. A supernatural occurrence for this point can be anything from working magic, causing the statistically improbable to happen, any relationship between emotion and fate, and no doubt much more.

Here are some guidelines to help determine if love or emotion has supernatural powers in the movie:

These Things Count for Point 4

 * Magical tears. If a single dramatic teardrop, especially during the climax, somehow sets everything right then it counts automatically. It doesn't matter how well the mechanics of the miracle are explained.
 * A mysterious supernatural occurrence puts the main character on an emotional journey, often one of emotional self-discovery.
 * Fate brings two people together.
 * Love or positive feelings have the power to defeat, protect against, or repulse evil.
 * The human heart somehow has the prophetic power to determine what is right for a person or situation.
 * Love or strong emotions manifest as a tangible phenomenon, sometimes as lights or supernatural power.
 * A character fundamentally changes another just by loving or caring for them.

These Things DO NOT Count for Point 4

 * Great things are achieved through emotions and notions such as honor, glory, vengeance, justice, or suitably "male" aggressions or stubbornness.
 * The powers of love or emotion are demonstrated as a satire or comedy.

Most good climaxes are emotional in some way such as suspense or excitement. However, when making a judgment for this category, take note about how the story elements are resolved. If the problem is resolved through violence, then there is your answer to this one. It doesn't matter if the violence was inspired by emotions or sociological situations, what matters is what directly resolves the story.

Here are some guidelines to help determine if the plot is resolved socially / emotionally:

These Things Count for Point 5

 * A long and / or romantic kiss that resolves the main plot elements.
 * When resolution comes from dialog while absent of any looming danger or state of urgency.
 * Resolution was just waiting for someone to open dialog, express their feelings, or be honest.
 * Resolution primarily occurs by means of testing, expressing, or changing someone's emotional or social outlook.

These Things DO NOT Count for Point 5

 * A long and / or romantic kiss that DOES NOT resolve the main plot elements.
 * Resolution through violence or action sequences, even if they have emotional or sociological causes.
 * When resolution comes from dialog under the presence of looming danger or state of urgency, such as resolving marital issues while being chased by armed men.

An extra point may be awarded to the Chick Flick score of any movie based on discretion. This point should be awarded for any valid reason that the movie would not be appropriate for the male demographic as a whole or is particularly suited for the female demographic as a whole. This discretionary point can never raise the score above 5, even if the five main points are all apparent.


 * The movie is about the journey of pregnancy or some other exclusively female experience.
 * If being male automatically or almost automatically designates the inheritance of evil or particularity repugnant qualities.
 * The music is particularly sappy, enough to be repugnant to a typical male demographic.

Here are some classic movies that most people know and a brief breakdown of their Chick Flick Rating point by point.


 * 1) Men willingly profess their deepest feelings : To be honest, I can't rightfully remember if this really happened. However, I'm sure that if Indy ever professed any love to Marion it was while he was evading Nazis or during some other action sequence. No point.
 * 2) The story / setting is tame : Heck no! Nazis, face melting, guys with swords; nothing tame about this story or setting. No point.
 * 3) Female lead without a sexy outfit : I don't think Marion counts as a real lead, though she is arguably close. Our hero is Indy and he can't count for this. No point.
 * 4) Love or emotion has supernatural powers : Nope. The only supernatural powers were the powers of God and not even the loving version of God either. No point.
 * 5) Plot is resolved by social-emotional means : The resolution occurs though a cool special effect / action sequence. No point.

No points at all. Our total and our Chick Flick Rating is 0

This one will be done from memory and may need to be revised.


 * 1) Men willingly profess their deepest feelings : All the time. Half of this movie is Forest finding new ways to express his feelings for Jenny. Point.
 * 2) The story / setting is tame : At first, this one looks like it's on the fence because the action scenes are hard to dismiss. However, if we check out the  guidelines, we can clearly see that the story progresses primarily through interpersonal relationships. The war bits can count as an unavoidable affliction of everyday life (as it was at the time). Point.
 * 3) Female lead without a sexy outfit : Forest is a guy. No point.
 * 4) Love or emotion has supernatural powers : Persistence had much more to do with development of Forest's and Jenny's relationship then fate ever did. No point.
 * 5) Plot is resolved by social-emotional means : Yep. I won't give anything away except that this is an easy point.

That puts our total and our Chick Flick Rating at 3. Great film but don't go in expecting an awful lot of guns or action sequences.

I have not seen this movie in a long time and will no doubt miss things not included in my spotty memory or the first online plot review I found. I'm including it anyhow to serve as an example.


 * 1) Men willingly profess their deepest feelings : Not only does he confess his feelings willingly, he does so on national radio. Point.
 * 2) The story / setting is tame : Totally. The most real danger encountered was when the female lead was almost hit by a car. Once. That was it. The story progresses through relationships. Point.
 * 3) Female lead without a sexy outfit : I think she gets dolled up for a date once or twice but, if you check the guidelines, it's obvious that it's not what we're looking for here. Point.
 * 4) Love or emotion has supernatural powers : At first glance, it would likely seem that this is not at all present. However, at the end, I believe that the girl throws away a safe, stable, and well groomed relationship to run off with some other guy. What justifies this decision? If I remember correctly, she trusts her feelings. What gives her feelings the prophetic power to decide what is best? This has to do with a classic belief that the human heart has this ability. I'm sure a good argument against could be formed but it is close and defined in the guidelines. Point.
 * 5) Plot is resolved by social-emotional means : Ya huh. SPOILER: Long romantic kiss that solves everything. Point.

5 for 5.